A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA
for an assassin. These highly classified
positions are hard to fill, and
there's a lot of testing and background checks involved
before you can even be considered for the position.
After sending some applicants through the background checks,
training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down
to 2 men and a woman, but only one position
was available. The day came for the final
test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job.
The CIA men administering the test took one
of the men to a large metal door and handed him a
gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions
no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this
room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked
look on his face and said "You can't be Serious!
I could never shoot my own wife! well",
says the CIA man,"you're definitely not
the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a
gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter
what the circumstances", they explained to the second man.
"Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
Take this gun and kill her. "The second man looked
a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the
room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door
opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes.
"I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger
and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man
for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't
have what it takes. Take your wife
and go home." Now they're down to the
woman left to test. Again they lead her to the
same door to the same room and
hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will
follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,
this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in
a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun
and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA heard
the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots.
Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes,
then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there
stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,
"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!
I had to beat the SOB to death with the chair!"












If you love something, set it free. If it comes back,
it was and will always be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
messes with your stuff, eats your
food, uses your telephone, takes your money
and never appears to know that it has been
set free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it!!





In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife
went into labor in the middle of the night,
and the doctor was called out to assist
in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be-
busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said,
"Here, you hold this high so I can see what
I'm doing?" Soon, a wee baby boy
was brought into the world. "Whoa there Scotty!"
said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...
I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered
a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be
putting down that lantern...It seems there's yet another
one in there!" cried the doctor. Mr. Stewart
scratched his head in bewilderment,
and asked the doctor. "Do you think it's the
light that's attractin' em?"








A teacher wanted to give his 5th grade class a lesson
about the evils of liquor, so he produced
an experiment that involved a glass of water,
a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class.
Observe closely the worms," said the teacher putting a worm
first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about,
happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm,
he put into the whiskey.
It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom,
dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we
derive from this experiment?" the teacher
asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand.
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."




© 1997 iscu@epix.net












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