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Hello and Welcome
This is a subject that unfortunately has become very real for me.
I hope these two pages will help you in this terrible struggle.
Earl, I miss you more than you can imagine!
Much Love,
Sharon
The Starfish
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a figure in the distance.
As he got closer he realized the figure was that of a boy
picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked," What are you doing?"
The youth replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean.
The sun is up and the tide is going out.
If I don't throw them in, they will die."
"Son", the man said, "Don't you realize there are
miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can't possibly make a difference!"
After listening politely, the boy bent down,
picked up another starfish, and threw it into the surf.
Then smiling at the man, he said, "I made a difference for that one!"
unknown
Believe me my friend----You make a difference too!!!!
The
power of love
Is seen from afar
The wings of a dove
Wherever you are
Gentleness guide you
To love that is near
Hold and protect you
Never a fear
For He is beside you
With all of His Might
With infinite mercy
So bright is His Light
Fly with compassion
His wings holding me
Softness and beauty
His Heart I can see
Sing to the heavens
With love we will send
Voices we lift up
His sacred Amen
Bow down before Him
With heart filled with pride
His Trinity Blesses
With wings that preside.
~~~~~~~~~~
~
Francine Pucillo ~
poem aboveİused with permission
To the world you might be one person,
But, to one person, you just might be the world.
Living With Dying, Help for the Caregiver
Accompanying a loved one to the edge of physical life is stressful, painful and yet perhaps one of the most rewarding adventures someone may ever have.
It is a privilege to enter the most intimate moments of another's existence.
There are however basics that they should follow that will build a solid foundation for caregiving and help to keep their strength throughout the experience.
-Build a support system: A support group of caregivers or a group of friends or
family is essential. No one should go through this experience alone.
-Allow time for solitude: Time alone to regroup helps prepare for more caregiving.
-Meditate daily: Meditation will help keep you physically healthy, mentally alert,
and spiritually in tune. You may try using prerecorded meditative exercises.
-Keep your sense of humor: Humor helps heal the spirit and correct
distorted perspectives. Laughter increases circulation, stimulates endorphin
release(which helps relieve physical and emotional pain), and improves
immunity. You might ask a friend to pick up a funny movie or keep a joke book handy.
-Exercise outdoors: Mentally and physically connecting with nature
will help to keep you centered. Regular exercise rejuvenates the body,
promotes cardiovascular health, and reduces stress.
-Maintain regular interests: You should make time for play, creativity, and hobbies.
-Keep a Journal: Sudies show that people who write in a journal every
day, even for 10 minutes, have a healthier immune system. Express your
deepest feelings in your journal, do not just chronicle the day's events.
If you are worried about privacy, you could write on loose paper and discard
it. But, years from now, you may be glad to have this record.
-Breath deeply: Occasional deep breathing helps reduce stress; a breath
deep enough to stretch out the diaphram signals the body to relax.
You may want to mentally scan your body for pockets of tension or
pain while breathing deeply.
-Eat well: Good nutrition and staying hydrated will keep your body going.
Drink 64 ounces of water a day. If not tap water than distilled or purified water.
-Find ways to be touched: Hugs are theraputic for most people. You may want to
consider making time for an occasional massage or other touch-therapy treatment.
-Nourish the spirit: A caregiver may find that reading the serenity prayer
helps them focus on themselves and their own wellbeing during a loved one's
dying time. Whatever method you choose to nourish your spirit, do it often.
Letting Go of Guilt
Guilt is almost a universal part of caregiving and of anticipatory grieving.
Guilt is sometimes described as anger people think they don't have a right to have.
Whatever guilt is, it doesn't feel very good. In fact, it's a totally
unproductive emotion.
You may feel guilty for having to go to work, or leave for a few hours to get a
haircut, or go grocery shopping, or simply taking a break.
You may feel guilty for resenting all the time you spend giving care, the lost sleep,
and the physical exhaustion.
You may feel guilty for your anger or revulsion at the sights, sounds,
and smells of illness, or for wishing that the loved one would die.
The caregiver may feel to blame for the loved one's illness. For example,
they may have been the smoker who created second hand smoke. They may believe
that they should be the one dying because the loved one is a better person,
or younger, or more religious, or any number of real or imagined virtues.
These sources of guilt may reflect an effort to make sense of something they
may never understand-the loss of a loved one.
If these feeling become overwhelming and cannot be reasoned out, then counseling
may be the appropriate avenue to follow. The caregiver needs to find compassion
for themselves and keep themselves mentally healthy.
Adressing Anger
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion that is also part of anticipatory grieving.
You can be assured that anger at God, the physicions and nurses, your circumstances,
or those of the loved one is normal.
The loved one may not fit the movie image of a
quiet and grateful person dying without fanfare.
They may exhibit new personality traits that the caregiver doesn't particularly
like. They may become selfish, raging, demanding, and possessive. They may be
withdrawn and rude or say hurtful things.
Whatever the cause, your anger is real and it can feel overwhelming. You may be unaware of the anger or deny it, especially if you feel guilty expressing anger.
Not expressing anger can weaken your immune system and general health.
Outlets for anger can include talking with a friend or the nurse, writing about
the anger, or screaming while beating pillows and crying(preferably out of the
sick person's hearing). Exercise is another good way to release the anxiety and
and tension associated with anger. Remember that the illness has caused the
changes in your loved one's behavior.
Follow the link below to page two of Living With Dying.
Reference:
Nursing 2001, April, Joan Furman
The page below, There You'll Be, is dedicated to a beloved friend,
it is long loading due to the song by Faith Hill, but I don't think you will be
disappointed if you take the time.
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